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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Coming up for air

"If anybody asks me what have I been up to
This is what I'm gonna say
I've been spending my time, outta my mind
And I'm really lovin' livin' this way"

I have these moments, things that happen,and I think, "I should blog about that." Then, I get busy, and forget. I can't imagine why, lol.

Then, I have these deep thoughts. And I don't know how to talk about them yet. Let alone write about them. Things I saw in China. Hurts I see in my new children, and yet beautiful redemption work by God, I already see happening.  So many children still waiting. Children dying. Everyday.What do we do? Feeling like I'm failing on lots of fronts. And yet....

This whole adoption, large family thing is a blessing, a gift. And it's really hard too. And it pushes me to my knees, ever more seeking my Father. Which in the end is everything. His mercies ARE new every morning. I'm so glad that is true.

Our home is filled with love, and lots of fun, and laughter, and silliness. There is a lot of whining, and crying too at the moment. I wouldn't change it though (well, maybe the whining, lol). It's part of His plan, which is so much better than anything I could have ever thought up. But it was/is so easy to think how difficult this is for me......The truth isn't pretty. I've had many days of thinking I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I'm tired. I'm not happy. I ruined our lives. And on and on, but it's not about me.... and when I really grasp that truth.... I'm blown away by his grace. And thankful he's chosen to use me, with all my failings, which.are.many. Then I see, his strength. And he is faithful to bring joy, out of tears.Healing and grafting these children into our lives. And life is looking very bright, for me and my family. Blessed.

2 comments:

  1. I am with you! Some days I wonder why, but 99 percent of the time I am utterly in love with my family. So blessed and thankful for the journey. It will get better!

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  2. I can feel your joys and struggles - I have felt much the same way, questioning our decision to adopt two at once but I know there is a bigger plan than the struggles we face. Blessings in your journey!

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