We were notified that one of the grant applications we had applied for has been declined. They were kind, and wished us the best, but the number of requests for help far outweighs the amount of funds they have to give. Sigh. I had really high hopes for this one, as it offered interest free loans, and we had hoped that would be a great way for us to be able to complete our adoptions. We can pay payments back without issue, but to have $40,000 in less than a year.....not so much.
When I read the email, I'll be honest and say, I was a little afraid. We still have so far to go, and not that much time(although on the other hand it seems like forever to get to hold Georgia and Calvin). I mean, these are my children. I love them. I hate that we are missing all these days,weeks, months with them. And I'm not sure yet, what we are going to do. I know that many, many people would say that we are completely crazy for having started this journey, not knowing where all the money would come from. If you don't share our beliefs, then I could totally understand that.
But that's the thing. Our beliefs, our relationship with God, defines everything about our lives. And we talk about faith a lot. Faith is easier when the stakes aren't so high. Faith that the weather will be good for the festival, or that we'll catch the plane, or whatever isn't so hard, but what about when it means you trust God, when you can't see a possible way and he asks you to do it anyway? Whew. That is hard. My Bible study has been doing the Beth Moore study called the Inheritance. The second session was a great study on Abraham and Issac. God promised him in his old age, after many years he would have a son. Then he waited 25 years to fulfill the promise. And Abraham had faith. Then, that beloved son Isaac, God told him to go and sacrifice him. Can you imagine? Really think about taking your baby, one you had waited for 100 years, your ONLY son, and sacrificing him yourself. Giving up your child. And yet Abraham had faith. You see he believed God's promise that he would have descendents greater than the stars, but yet God was now asking him to do something that would make that impossible. God was saying trust me. And Abraham did. Hebrews 11:17-19 says By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”[c] 19 Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.
It looked impossible, but Abraham just kept walking forward in faith, even when he couldn't see a way.
I think there is a fine line between faith and irresponsibility.
I know some people think our adoptions are irresponsible. I understand that, and it's ok. But I believe that God asks his people, really asks, to do hard things. To step out of the boat. Things that to human eyes and hearts seems crazy, or maybe irresponsible. So that he can show us that we really can trust him, and to bring him glory. That's why I'm here. To serve him and reflect his glory.
I know in my heart God asked us to step out of our comfortable boat. We had six kids already. We already adopted. Life was finally fairly settled. And he said, open your hearts, and trust me. We didn't qualify anymore to adopt from China. We had to ask for two waivers, and yet God opened those doors. So here we are...7 months into our journey, and honestly, I'm looking forward to being on the other side. You know, where I share the amazing story of how God worked to bring home Georgia and Calvin. I'm hanging on to him for dear life. Because he is faithful, and and I'm trusting him.
By the way, while I was still checking my emails this am, just after texting with Michael about the denied grant, our daily verse email came. We get a daily verse from Zondervan in our email each day. This was today's
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14