Friday, August 2, 2013
Why I talk about what I do
A couple of friends posted this video today. I've shared it before. Watched it many times. It always makes me teary. And I get it.
I know I talk about adoption a lot. I post about it. I post pictures of waiting children. My facebook feed is full of lots of adoption related things. I post links to hard stories. Of children who deserve a family, and desperately need one. I try to remind myself and others that there is very little on this earth that really matters. Really only souls. I realize that many people don't want to hear it. Often, I will post something that moves me, usually it relates to a child that needs a family. Those kind of posts might get a handful of likes, from a few likeminded friends. However, I can post something silly, and fun about one of my children and that will get 40. That makes me sad. I know that some will tire of it and ask if I have to talk about adoption so much? And you know what? I do.
Proverbs 24:12 tells us, "Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."
He opened my eyes. First a little, and then a little more, and more. He opened my heart too. When we first started this journey back in 2010, he had already been working in my heart for 5 years. But now. Now my heart breaks for the orphan. I have seen poverty that is heartbreaking. We watch movies, and read new stories and think we know. But until you have stood in that place and seen it with your own eyes you can't know. I have seen beautiful children made in the image of the Almighty, lay in a crib with empty eyes. I have stood in a cold, run down orphanage with over 600 children in it, and wondered why it was so very quiet. I have held a child who screamed and fought me with everything he had, and the next day he chose me over his previous caregivers. He chose us, the unknown vs everything he did know. The first time I ever changed Vivian, it took my breath away how skinny she was. I thought I was prepared. I wasn't.
Here's the thing though, sometimes you discover something really great and you want to share it! To tell everyone about it. You want other people to be blessed the same way. I feel like that about adoption. No doubt that there are hard, dark days. BUT I truly feel so blessed that God would open my eyes and relieved that I for once had the sense to obey Him. The reward, the gifts that have come into my life are immeasurable. I feel like I have this secret. That this has been such a wonderful thing for our family. It changed everything for the better. And I want to share it. I want others to know this blessing. I don't want people to miss this.
It takes my breath away to think I might have missed having these children in my life.It would have been so easy, we already had 5 children. We have too small a house. We will have to give up vacations. What about retirement? Etc. How very much I would have missed. To see them bloom, and heal. To love them and for them to love me back. To see them learn and I can't wait to see where God will take them in life.
You know, people like to say you only live once, and that is true. But this life, it isn't the main show. It's not our one shot at pleasure. It's a time to try to bring as many people with us to the main show. To be his hands and feet and show his glory, so that others might know. We have eternity! Decor, and travel, great food, sports, concerts, clothes and purses and SHOES! None evil of themselves, but we just get so wrapped up in our own lives. And all that stuff is just stuff.
My life has been changed forever. I think about orphans everyday. I can't not tell.
I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.
Mary Anne Radmacher