Thursday, November 1, 2012

Beautiful Things

We are doing so much better! It was a long week, but I'm thankful we all seem to be doing well now.

As I mentioned, last week was Vivian's birthday. She was ready to celebrate! And so were we, minus the strep and flu issues, lol. Her birthday is such a time of reflection for me though. I wonder about the day she was born. I wonder if she was celebrated. I have every reason to believe she was.... I wonder about her birth family. Her first Mama. Her life before the orphanage.

Her birth family kept her, and likely intended to raise her. She was left at a much older age than usual, and in a very safe, obvious spot, where her birth family was more likely to be caught.  Also, the age she was left at is the time her thalassemia would have become obvious. Most likely, up until that point they were probably unaware of the health issues, and were just loving this precious girl. The choice to give her up, was most likely her best chance at survival. Thalassemia is not easily treatable in the rest of the world as it is here. It was probably a truly selfless choice. A heartbreaking one, and as a Mama, one I can not imagine. So many questions that we will never know the answers of on this side of heaven.

I am grateful to Vivian's first family. I have no doubt they are amazing people, because Vivian is amazing. I wonder sometimes, who she gets her little smirky smile from, her love of sweets, her stubbornness. I am thankful they chose life for her. I feel guilty sometimes, that I get to be blessed by her hugs, and laughter. I grieve what they have lost, and what she has lost too. People often say how lucky she is........sigh. And she is blessed with much, and a family who cherishes her, but she has lost and endured much too.

Adoption is a complicated, emotional issue, that at it's very heart starts with loss. I believe that God is making beauty from ashes though. All week I've been humming this song. I pray that God blesses Vivian's first family. I pray they have peace. I pray they come to know him, and that someday in Heaven we will all be together. I pray Vivian will have peace as she grows up with the questions that will always remain. And I'm thankful for a God that makes beautiful things.


  1. I have almost identical feelings about my son's family! I wish there was a way to find them eventually and let them know he is so loved. Praying for Vivian's first momma today and for all of you to be doing better.

  2. Beautiful... This post brought me to tears!

  3. Beautiful post my friend! Joining you in praying for Vivian's first family. Gungor is one of my new favorites, and I LOVE that song! <3 Melinda